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Regulating feelings

During many of our experiences, we can learn to suppress our feelings as a coping mechanism in difficult situations. Why may we choose to ignore our feelings? There are many reasons why we might choose to ignore our feelings - here are a few examples. • Being ridiculed for expressing feelings • Feeling guilty about our feelings • Pretending our feelings don’t exist • Someone may have taught us to do this • Not knowing what to do with difficult feelings • Ignoring feelings is an accepted norm in some circles • Ignoring difficult feelings while working at feeling good • Expressing aggression instead of our softer true feelings • Not taking the time to notice our feelings • Relying on others for soothing our feelings • Being afraid of how someone will react • Not wanting to be seen as vulnerable • Labelling feelings as negative • Conditional self-acceptance What happens when we ignore our feelings? When we ignore difficult feelings, they remain stuck in...
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Misplaced fear

Mindful motivation about evolving It is not our work to say no to ourselves. What we need to do is explore options and do our best. We need to value ourselves and our work. And every time when we step up, we will get taken a bit more seriously. We evolve. Why say no to ourselves? Sometimes by not even trying!? Is misplaced fear holding us back? Are we afraid that they won’t be interested? We owe it to ourselves to let THEM say yes or no. Getting a no helps us to narrow it down. Narrowing it down leads to a resounding yes! Keep going
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How to get over a crush

It can be challenging to get over a crush, even when we realise it won’t work out and we really, really just want to get over it, but the crush can still continue to drag on and on for months or years. We can bring our resistance to letting go out into the open! When we say to ourselves that we can get over it – we can walk away, we can let go, move on and put it in the past – when we say this, our resistance arise! Imagine a tight first, and inside it is a ball of really sticky bubble gum. When we try to open that fist – tight bubble gum strings hold our fingers back from opening up. This is what our resistance is doing to our emotional world. Luckily we can dissolve resistance. When we observe the resistance, thoughts and emotions dispassionately - without reacting to them. When saying, again - we want to stop resisting. The remaining resistance arise again. Again we observe it without reacting – we can feel relief, as it keeps dissolving more and more, until we do not...
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Make room inside - 1

Why do we need more room inside? As we grow up, every so often we get too big for our shoes and clothes. We know it is time for a bigger size, when we put something on and it doesn’t feel comfortable, or it down right hurts us. On the emotional front, we can also become very  uncomfortable when the moment-to-moment experiences of the world are too big for our inner space to convey. We can be overwhelmed. Over time the discomfort becomes familiar that it becomes comforting or safe or we even see it as part of our identity. But - this state of being does not serve our best interests. Luckily, over time we can obtain as much inner space as we need, by doing as little as 1.5 minutes of work per day. This can be some of the most rewarding work of all. Just like getting new clothes that fit well, when we expand our inner space, our emotions fit well. Can you imagine what it would be like to have a much bigger inner space? Double the size that it is now? Triple the siz...
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Suffering = (difficult emotion) x Resistance

Adapted from Brian Johnson's newsletter There is an equation that can help us reduce our suffering. Suffering = (difficult emotion) x Resistance. Where: Difficult emotions are inevitable. By resisting any difficult emotions, we thereby increase our level of suffering. Therefor - to suffer is optional. The key to reducing suffering is to reduce our resistance to painful or difficult emotions. We need to embrace our difficult emotions - whenever we notice them. Embracing difficult emotions eliminates the resistance, and by eliminating resistance, we eliminate unnecessary suffering and we are in a much better place for taking action and being creative. How can we become more aware of the difficult emotions that are present in us? How can we stop reacting to them? How can we embrace them a little more today? When we pay attention to the difficult emotions, and label any accompanying negative thoughts - without reacting to them... we can get creative - to work on s...
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Self-belief, hard work and perseverance

Growth mindset affirmations - based on the work of Carol Dweck The following information is written mainly as affirmations. Here goes: Words have power over the way I think, and what I think shapes my reality. Option 1 – When I deem success to be resultant of talent only, and I then face a challenge – my brain freezes. Option 2 – When I am stretched and I believe I can meet the challenge, my brain lights up – ready for anything. I believe that self-belief, hard work and determination eventually lead to success. • Self belief – I believe I can improve and change. When I decree a dream, or want to attain something that I value, I figure out how to do it. When I face a challenge, I find ways to get through it, or work around it. Determined by my choices, there can be no hurdle that is insurmountable. I am focused, and I pursue my dreams relentlessly. I follow passion and it becomes my occupation. • Hard work – I put forth relentless hard work, the result of whi...
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Social growth mindset

When we have a fixed mindset, stressful social situations can make us feel so threatened and overwhelmed, that we may become unable to cope. The more we view ourselves and others as incapable of change and think about social battles as if they will last forever, the more likely we are to experience chronic emotional and physical stress from the challenges of daily life. A subtle shift in mindset can make an enormous difference in all aspects of our lives. How about a mind-shift to a social growth perspective? There are many benefits to having a social growth mindset: • We stop the habit of worrying all day • We have healthier physiological responses • We reduce social, emotional and chronic stress • We are less likely to perceive challenging tasks as threatening • We keep calmer and perform much better on many levels • Social stress do not affect us - this can have many unexpected benefits • We experience positive feelings about ourselves and our performance • We ...
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